What I've learned from 13 years of parenting

As my daughter becomes a teenager, here are 13 things she's taught me

Lily - or, as I prefer to call her, Mrs Chicken.

My daughter Lily turns thirteen tomorrow. Thirteen! It’s such a huge milestone. So I thought I’d tell you what I’ve learned about parenting so far.

I’m definitely not an expert on the subject. Then again, I’m not sure anyone actually is - we’re all just winging it and hoping for the best. So here are my thoughts on the topic.

1. Childbirth is extremely scary and many midwives don’t care

Lily aged three weeks.

The NHS is an amazingly valuable service, but some of its staff need a head check. The whole of my pregnancy, I explained to the midwives, ‘I’m not going to be able to give birth naturally, because I’m too short and small-boned.’

And I got the same response: ‘The NHS don’t do elective caesareans.’

‘It’s not elective,’ I insisted. ‘My mum is short and small-boned and had an emergency caesarean with me, and the same thing will happen with my baby.’

Sure enough, Lily got into distress during childbirth, and her heartbeat stopped in the womb, because she was big at 8lbs 1oz and I was too small to push her out. She could have died - we both could.

But nobody listened until it was almost too late. Thankfully, she got here safely - but it’s infuriating that she nearly didn’t due to my warnings not being heeded.

2. You’ll be unprepared for how much you love your kid

Lily aged six months.

As soon as they placed Lily in my arms, while I was still on the operating table, I was in crazy deep maternal love with her - and it’s a rapturous, all-enveloping love that never leaves you. The kind of love where you’re sick with fear at the thought of something happening to them. Lily is the only person in the world I would willingly die for. The love for your kid blows every other kind of love out of the water.

One of the tracks about Lily which didn’t make it onto my debut solo album Better, just because I didn’t have time to record it, is called ‘Heartbeat’:

I would die for you in a heartbeat
I would push you out the way of a train
I would lie on the tracks as my heart bleeds
Do anything to save you from pain
For my darling, you are my heartbeat
You’re my Earth, my sky and my sea
So stay alive, my sweet heartbeat
And I’ll love you ‘til infinity

3. Kids can be hilarious and great fun

Some of the funniest moments of my life are due to Lily - totally unintentionally on her part.

I swear I should have sent the above clip in to You’ve Been Framed. It’s from Lily’s 2nd birthday party, when my angel tried to fly…