What I've learned about life from reality TV

I've binge-watched a load of dating shows. Here are my takeaways

The cast of the UK’s Married at First Sight 2024. Photo copyright: Channel 4.

There’s an old joke about writers:

Writer 1: I’m writing a novel

Writer 2: Me neither!

I’m meant to be writing a novel, so I’ve been procrastinating by watching reality TV. I thought this would be a total waste of time, but it’s surprised me: I’ve learned so many things about life and love from the show participants and also from the response to their behaviour on social media. It’s wisdom which I intend to apply to my own life, so I thought I’d share it with you too.

However, it occurred to me that this might be a mistake: firstly, because you’re all erudite and cultured intellectuals and aren’t remotely interested in reality TV, and secondly, because you won’t know who any of the people are.

Maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong. But before you stop reading (if you do), you have to watch this hilarious clip from Married at First Sight. To give you some context: the blonde woman speaking was married to the Maltese man on her left, and dumped him. English isn’t his first language and he sent her a letter hoping to get back with her… only to drop this clanger at the end!

I call him Osama Bum Laden.

Anyhow: here are the life tips I learned from watching Married at First Sight, Love Is Blind and First Dates - they’re surprisingly educative shows, despite their reputation.

Don’t be too much… or too little

Kristina from Married at First Sight - adorable, but ‘a lot’. Photo copyright: Channel 4.

There’s a fine line between being extroverted and being annoying. Having someone shrieking in your face, invading your personal space, banging on about themselves and generally demanding to be the centre of attention can get wearing very quickly.

These people are often described as being ‘too much’ or ‘a lot’ and are said to have ‘main character syndrome’. Viewers say of these contestants, ‘I wish they’d stop shouting and making the show all about them.’

On the other hand, there’s also a fine line between being introverted and being dull. Having to constantly ask questions to bring a person out of their shell, strain to hear them, carry the conversation and put up with awkward silences is tiring.

Viewers say of quiet contestants, ‘I forgot he was even in the series’ or ‘she never says anything interesting’. They want to be entertained, and passivity is rarely entertaining.

Don’t reveal too much too quickly… or be too cagey

MAFS bride Richelle was suspicious of husband Orson. Photo copyright: Channel 4.