The pleasures of anonymity

Five reasons why you should never wish to be famous

There’s a similar shot with The Dawk’s hand on my arse and the bus slogan saying ‘There’s probably no go’. Photo by Zoe Margolis.

I’m 44 now, so am approaching midlife. Just as I’m coming to terms with the fact that I won’t leave a legacy, I’m also coming to terms with the fact that I shall probably remain a non-entity. But so will most of us - and you know what? That’s fine. In fact, it’s better than fine - it’s actively desirable. Eagle-eyed readers may note that I’ve written about this before, but hey, it’s interesting, so here’s Part 2, featuring all the great things about being unknown.

You can let your guard down without worrying

He doesn’t have to worry about journalists. Photo by Phill Dane on Unsplash.

At the end of 2008, during my brief moment in the sun, I wrote what was meant to be an inspirational blog post about letting go of your inhibitions and having fun. It contained a line like, ‘Be a bit silly - waddle like a duck (quack quack)’.

This was then picked up by Telegraph columnist Michael Deacon and divorced of its context, in a paragraph like ‘and then there’s Ariane Sherine, creator of the Atheist Bus Campaign, exhorting us all to “waddle like a duck (quack quack)”.’

Now, this was far from a disaster. It wasn’t as though I’d incited a far-right riot - it was a throwaway line that most people probably didn’t give much thought to. If anything, it was amusing for a brief second.

But I did feel a bit daft - I was a Guardian columnist at the time, and was meant to have a certain amount of gravitas, despite often writing comedy. I also thought: what if I’d said something far worse, and it had been picked up and divorced of its context?

And that’s one of the things about having a high profile. It’s much easier to be cancelled, so you can never let your guard down. You have to second guess yourself all the time, much more than your average person: is this an okay thing to post? How could it be misinterpreted?

And frankly, that’s a horrible way to live life.

Imagine going out for a meal with a friend and talking freely, maybe criticising people or companies, then worrying that you’ve been recorded and it’s going to leak to the press. I wasn’t at that level, thank God, but I know people who are.

You see, that’s why so many celebrity interviews are so bland - because they’re trying desperately not to be hated in response. Who would want to live like that? Which brings me to my next point…

Your foot-in-mouth disease isn’t a problem

The gaffes abound. Photo by David Shankbone on Wikimedia Commons.

I’ve said stupid things. Hey, we’ve all said stupid things. And sometimes those things have been crass, or lacked empathy, or had the potential to be hurtful to others.

But the difference is, we’re non-entities, so nobody cares about or remembers our gaffes. We’re not held accountable for them and they don’t spawn endless news stories, think pieces and blog posts. The freedom to say daft things is extraordinarily undervalued when you consider the upset facing famous people when they do.