44 good things that happened this year
I turned 44 this morning, so here's a great big gratitude list
In my novel Mad Cow and the Year of Happiness, the depressed main character is tasked with listing reasons to be happy about her life. She can barely think of five.
I’ve been depressed over the last few weeks. My beloved Nana died, and in the fallout, I decided my daughter should live full-time with her dad - one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever had to make.
But today is my 44th birthday, so I’ve challenged myself to think of 44 good things that happened in the past year. And what a crazy, colourful, surreal year it has been. Here goes…
#1: Lily was safe, happy, healthy and loved
My hilarious, sarcastic, badass, thirteen-year-old actress daughter is always number 1 on any gratitude list I make. She’s living with her dad right now, and possibly for the rest of her childhood, but I’ll always be her devoted mum and I love her completely. She’ll forever be my only baby, whatever issues we’re going through, and that maternal bond never fades. As long as she’s safe, happy, healthy and loved, then I’m okay.
#2: The Society of Authors funded my novel
The UK’s trade union for authors awarded me a £5,000 grant so I could finish writing my novel Mad Cow and the Year of Happiness. I’m incredibly grateful to them, as I only had £300 in my bank account when the money arrived. I can’t wait to finish the book and thank them in the acknowledgements. This show of faith in my novel has really propelled me to write, like having a rocket up my arse! (Maybe one called Ariane?)
#3: I discovered ‘Nature’s Ozempic’
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Mix 20ml of extra virgin olive oil with 20g of 100% cocoa powder, and eat it with a banana. Not only is it a delicious snack, it’s proven to improve your cardiovascular health, and both cocoa and olive oil help you live longer and lose weight. I lost 8lbs in 12 days at the start of June by adding this combination to my diet. (Then I fell off the diet wagon when my nan died and ate everything in London, but let’s disregard that.)
#4. I started a successful Substack
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Right now I have 35 paying subscribers, which is more than a lot of writers I know who also have Substacks - and I’m grateful for every single one of you. I really enjoy writing weekly posts, I love our little community of commenters, and I earn $3,490 a year before platform and Stripe fees, which works out at roughly £40 per post. I get to write about whatever fascinates and excites me, and feel very lucky to be able to do so.
#5: I finally got over my ex
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Remember my ex, the one who looked like Jeremy Hunt? I guess it’s hard to forget him, as I used to bang on about him all the time! He lost interest in me, I left him, I missed him, we were friends-with-benefits, I wanted us to get back together, he didn’t. Finally, in the last fortnight, I achieved what the Yanks call ‘closure’, and now we’re just friends. He was a decent and honourable guy, just not the guy for me.
#6: I got two adorable lodgers
I really enjoy having my new lodger here and am glad of her friendly presence. She’s warm and kind and gentle, and it’s nice to have the company. And an extremely sweet 23yo Korean girl is moving into Lily’s room next week. My first lodger and I are both plus size and both very girly: I once went up to her room to ask her to do the zip up on the back of my dress; she said sorry but she couldn’t, as she’d just painted her nails!
#7: A literary agent expressed interest
This was very cool: I saw on Twitter that a literary agent at CAA, the world’s biggest talent agency, was taking on new clients. She turned out to represent an author mate of mine, Gary, who introduced me to her. I sent her my YA novel and she said it was ‘wonderful so far’! But I need to finish it before she’ll decide whether to take me on, as publishers only buy full manuscripts, so I’m racing to finish two novels now. Exciting…
#8: I got a two-book deal for celebrity biographies
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I got a book deal to write two celebrity biographies, one of Sinéad O’Connor and one of actor Hedy Lamarr. I ended up pulling out of the second book, but I’m proud of the first, for which I interviewed six of Sinéad’s friends and peers, including Japan guitarist Robert Dean, Guardian pop writer Caroline Sullivan, Guardian celebrity interviewer Simon Hattenstone, and Telegraph chief rock critic Neil McCormick.
#9: I made five lovely new friends
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As a result of writing the Sinéad biography, I made two new friends who helped me with it: fab music journos Caroline Sullivan (whom I call Cazzzaaaaaa!) and David Stubbs (whom I’ve known since 2009, but not as well). Separately, I also met another music journo, Justin Lewis, and artist Tashmia Owen, both through Twitter - and journalist Hina Pandya through this Substack! I feel very lucky to know them all.
#10: I lost nearly two stone
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From this time last year until three weeks ago, I’d dropped nearly 28lbs, or 12.7kg for you modern youngsters. Then I put on a stone when my nan died, through stress-eating everything in sight, which is my coping mechanism. So I still need to shed another five stone, but I know I can do it. I’m going to redouble my efforts after my birthday, as right now it feels like I have a sign on my forehead saying ‘FEED ME!’
#11: The house became prettier
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I haven’t had much money to spend on homewares this year, but I always have an eye on interiors and am constantly rearranging things and buying little items such as these and this to make the house more aesthetically pleasing. I love colour in the living areas, it energises me and I’m so grateful to live in such a beautiful house. I need to change lots of things in my life, but I’m happy that this isn’t one of them.
#12: I came off Universal Credit
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There are few things more demoralising than trudging to the Jobcentre and being forced to wait out in the rain, before being told you need to get a job. Sorry, those 22 years of slogging away as a writer and editor count for nothing - if you can’t get a writing role, then do factory work or clean toilets. We don’t make the rules. It’s true that my work coach Tremayne was Tremaynedous, but I’m so glad to be off UC!
#13: I released my debut album
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OK, so I was too self-conscious about my weight to promote my debut album Better, so I shouldn’t really have released it so early, but I’m still massively proud of it. I think it’s an amazing album with two incredible remixes by DonQuibeats, and so I’m going to re-release it next year with a new cover, a different track order and an extra bonus track, and really push it out there. I truly believe I can succeed at this game, 44 or not.
#14: I set up two new professional websites
I can’t code, but I built two websites with Squarespace. One is my website for all my creative stuff, the other one is my pop star website for Ariane X which contains all the lyrics to my debut album Better, my press release and an ‘About’ section for the album. It just makes me feel more professional as a writer, journo and recording artist to actually have a couple of websites people can visit. So go and look at them now, shoo!
#15: I became close friends with Mr Agreeable
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Legendary rock journo David Stubbs helped me find interviewees for my Sinéad book. It was funny, as I’d adored reading him as Mr Agreeable in Melody Maker in the 1990s. I’d known him through an ex since 2009, but we became much closer this year and now email each other several times a day. Thankfully he is as witty as Mr Agreeable, but infinitely more big-hearted and lovely and much less sweary (at least, towards me!)
#16: I met my lovely friend Cazza
I interviewed iconic Guardian pop writer Caroline Sullivan for my Sinéad biography last September, which was a dream because I’d grown up loving her pop reviews in the paper in the 1990s. She was so warm, kind and generous that we became firm friends and have met up three times since. (She lives two hours away from me.) She’s hilarious and inspiring and I’m so thankful for her. Here’s to many more decades of friendship!
#17: I saw my fabulous mate Gaz several times
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My writer mate Gary Panton is probably the nicest bloke in the world (he’s the one who introduced me to his literary agent at CAA). Alas, he is also the nicest bloke in Scotland, as that’s where he lives, so I rarely see him. But this year I saw him for coffee and dinner quite a few times, which was fab. He also has a book which you should buy your kids, especially because he put me and Lily in the acknowledgements!
#18: I got six pieces published in the Metro
I just wrote my seventh piece for Metro. The most amusing one was about a man who offered me £100 to cover myself in custard! (I did not do it, dear reader. I just asked if I could write about his predilection, and he obliged.) I also wrote about Google Doc Dating and relayed the story of my first date with JH. My editor Jess is really nice and easygoing and always gets back to me, so hopefully I can write loads more for them.
#19: I cut my hair in The Sun
I had two pieces published in The Sun in two months: I wrote about netting £525 by switching banks three times, and also cut my own hair into a bob, chopping off seven inches (sorry if that makes you wince, male readers!). It was a double-page spread in the newspaper, which is the UK’s most-read paper - so millions of people read it, which is amazing. I was worried I’d look awful, but I love the cut, so am keeping it.
#20: I reviewed a restaurant for the Daily Mail
I reviewed Brooklyn Beckham’s Uber Eats pop-up restaurant for the Mail. I quite enjoyed the food, so readers suggested I was a shill paid by the Beckhams. If only! They also pointed out that I’m very fat, so we don’t need to worry about their eyesight. I suspect they’d have found fault with something even if I’d had a BMI of 16, but it was all a lot of fun and a quick turnaround - commissioned at 6pm, online at 11pm!
#21: I got a poem published in a poetry anthology
I wrote my first serious poems in February. I entered some into competitions, and in May I found out that one I’d written about my sister, ‘Regret’, had made the selection for the Ver Poets anthology - and was actually the first poem selected. There’s no prize, but I’ll receive a copy of the anthology and an invitation to the award ceremony. I was pleased, as I’d only started writing poetry three months before the selection.
#22: I made friends with amazing Justin Lewis
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Back in September, a Twitter mutual called Justin asked if anyone in London was free to meet up. I was free as I’d just asked my ex-boyfriend if he wanted to see me for hot sex, and he said he’d rather go to the gym! Nice. So I met Justin and we hit it off immediately, talking for hours in a coffee shop about music and writing, and have been friends ever since. I’m actually grateful to my ex for not wanting to see me!
#23: I was there for Nana at the end
I was devastated when my nan died, but was lucky to be there for her at the end - and I only made it to the care home ten minutes before she passed, otherwise my mum would have endured her death on her own. I sang ‘You Are My Sunshine’ to Nana, and she slipped peacefully away. Her life expectancy at birth in 1925 was 58 years, so she exceeded this by over 40 years, almost reaching the age of 99. Rest in peace, Nana.
#24: I met up with hilarious Kia several times
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I’ve been friends with lovely Kia since February 2008, when she emailed me saying she’d enjoyed a sex column I’d written for the Guardian. These days, she’s a bestselling author for HarperCollins and a successful travel blogger. She’s also responsible for me finding my dream house - she bought a house in the next street and encouraged me to look in this area. And she’s taking me to dinner at The Ivy for my birthday! Incredible.
#25: Lily’s short film made two festival selections
The BFI-funded short film Lily starred in as co-lead, ‘Same, Same?’ made the official selection for both the UK Asian Film Festival 2024 and the London Indian Film Festival 2024, with a screening at the ICA for the latter. It was extra-special for me as it was about mixed-race Parsi-and-white girls, exactly like me (and the director, Leah Rustomjee, who initially contacted me through my Guardian piece on Zoroastrianism).
#26: I didn’t have a heart attack
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Last October, I had a suspected heart attack, which thankfully turned out not to be a heart attack after all. I had reason to think the worst: the print-out the paramedic gave me before rushing me to A&E said possible myocardial infarct, code for ‘heart attack’. Also, I have tachycardia (my heart beats too fast) and ectopic beats (the ventricles fire off twice per beat instead of once). But, at least for now, I’m in the clear. Whew.
#27: I was shortlisted for three prestigious roles
This year, I was shortlisted for the roles of Editor of Hotel Designs, Feature Writer at Homes & Gardens and Homes Writer at Tom’s Guide - all really impressive publications. Sadly, due to various reasons (including not wanting to travel to the Middle East), I had to pull out of the running for the first two roles before interview and the third role after interview, but I was still delighted to make the cut. This year: who knows?
#28: I said goodbye to Nana and saw my family
Nana would have turned 99 on Tuesday 25th June this year, and so we held her funeral then. And what a beautiful funeral it was - the loveliest I’ve ever been to. There were only eight of us, all close family, and we reminisced with such love and fondness about Nana. My cousin had put together a slideshow of amazing photos of Nana like the one above, and even brought a tray of rhubarb jelly along, the dessert she made us as kids!
#29: I spent a hilarious day with Grandad
A lady tried to spray Grandad with aftershave in the local shopping centre, and I told her, ‘He’s a Liverpool fan - he’ll never wear cologne!’ I said ‘He is very smelly, but sadly he has no cash.’ And I told her he was my boyfriend. Grandad said he didn’t mind: ‘As far as she’s concerned, I’ve bagged an exotic bird 30 years younger than me. It’s you that has no taste, going for a smelly old geezer who doesn’t even have any money!’
#30: I got commissioned by Digital Camera World
A lovely man called Adam Juniper commissioned me out of the blue, for not one but two pieces (and possibly three!) which was lovely. My first piece is about Nana, and how having the beautiful photos of her in her youth have helped me remember her the way she would have wanted to be remembered - as a vivacious and glamorous young beauty who was the life and soul of the party. It’ll be published this weekend.
#31: I survived my first year in Upton Park
When I first moved to Upton Park in late 2022, my friend Kia - who had encouraged me to move here - kindly gave me a ‘Welcome to Your New Home’ card. In it, she wrote something like, ‘You may wonder what you’ve let yourself in for, and question whether you’ve wandered into The Road!’ (A post-apocalyptic horror novel by Cormac McCarthy.) It’s a very poor area, it’s a slightly crazy and wild area - but hey, it’s home.
#32: I had my lashes lifted and they looked nicer
A while back, I bought a 'lash lift' kit (one of these mysterious things women buy in the service of getting eyelashes which curl upwards and look more appealing). Then I found out it's impossible to carry out the treatment yourself. So I asked Grandad to do it. He was horrified: 'What if I blind you?!' He refused to go anywhere near my eyes: 'I don't do eyes!' So I had it done professionally for £30, and I’m really happy with it.
#33: I got extremely organised
A couple of months back, I organised a few cabinets (inputting the contents into a spreadsheet) and put photos online. People oohed and ahhed (possibly politely), and I thought: maybe I could organise other people’s cabinets for a living? I called my business idea Extreme Organising. Then I got my novel funded, and decided that actually I’d rather write books. But I now have an extremely organised house, so all is well.
#34: I didn’t have to write about toilets (again)
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I was offered a trial shift with an interiors publication which will remain nameless, if only because I’m paranoid about retribution. They asked me to write the feature ‘How to Replace a Toilet Valve’. I shit you not. Was I flush with success? No: my hopes and dreams swirled down the pan when they rejected me. I’d have taken the role for the money, but it was dull AF, so I’m glad that I’ll never have to write about bogs again.
#35: I met up with some lovely female journalists
I’m a bit of a homebody and rarely go out of an evening. It’s partly because I hate my weight and size and feel very self-conscious, and partly because I like an early night. But I’ve made an exception this year for a few female journo meetups in London. It’s honestly so nice to chat about the industry with friendly kind fellow journos who can commiserate with the late payments and unanswered emails, as well as swap contacts.
#36: I learned how to set boundaries
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I stopped people-pleasing and started blocking irritants online. Life is far calmer and more chilled without them - I should have done it far sooner. And when my daughter screamed at me while I was grieving my nan, I told her to go to her dad’s, saying she was welcome back in my house when she could promise to be nice to me. Then I realised she never would, so I told her to stay at his. It’s sad, but very peaceful.
#37: People were incredibly kind
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Friends, Patreon supporters, Substack supporters, Twitter followers and random strangers online all rallied round to let me know they were thinking of me when my beloved nan died and I separated from my daughter, a double whammy within the space of 11 days. I was really touched by their empathy and support. I don’t think of myself as a very strong person, but I definitely feel stronger with others lifting me up.
#38: I got a free health check
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Someone very lovely and generous, who has asked to remain nameless, bought me a £259 BUPA health check after reading in my Patreon email that I’ve been struggling with health problems. It was a birthday present, so I booked it in for the actual day, and that’s what I’ll be doing this afternoon. I hope they don’t tell me I have six months to live or something - that would put a bit of a dampener on my special day!
#39: I made friends with wonderful Tashmia
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I was introduced to artist and writer Tashmia Owen through our mutual friend Alom Shaha. Tashmia and I hit it off and have met up several times since. I’ve introduced her to my mate Kia, drunk tea in her kitchen, collected her adorable 11yo daughter from school with her, and even helped her move house! She’s been to hell and back, even more so than I have, and I’m very glad we’re friends. Single mums FTW.
#40: I had sizzlingly hot sex
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This is not a chronological list, as I haven’t had sex since February. But sex with my ex-who-resembled-Jeremy-Hunt was somehow even hotter when we were friends-with-benefits. (I joked that I was his friend on benefits!). I do worry that I’ll never have better sex than I had with him, but you can’t stay with someone who doesn’t love you just for the bedroom action, can you? No. No Ari, you can’t. Don’t go there again!
#41: I reached Genius 180 times on Spelling Bee
Yes yes, boasty boasty. But I hadn’t done any anagrams since appearing on Countdown (boasty boasty again, but I was only 23). Two decades on, I’ve apparently still got it, and reach the level Genius daily. But that’s not impressive compared to
who sets the freaking New York Times crossword several times a year! (I can’t do the crossword to save my life, except for the easy version on Mondays. It’s just too hard.)#42: I exchanged writing feedback with David
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Writing is a solitary business, so it’s lovely to have David Stubbs to chat to. We share our stories with each other and encourage each other, and back in April, David sent me the loveliest message about my novel: 'Okay, so I have now read all 20,780 words of 60 Days. It's fantastic. Of all the stories we've both exchanged by each other, yours and mine, I think it is by far the one that has the most promise of making it big.' Wow.
#43: I enjoyed support from amazing people
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A special thank you to Kevin McGeary, Klaas Jan Runia and Matthew Sylvester for supporting both my Patreon and my Substack. And to everyone who supports my Patreon, plus Peter Weilgony, Phil Adcock and PA for their generous donations this year. Also to everyone who supports my Substack, especially Kevin M, David Stubbs, Iain Goldfinch, Alan Paine, Richard August and Kevin Brodie. You’re all legends!
#44: I made it to 44!
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Well, duh! But this is something to be grateful for. Most people in the UK make it well past 44, but the morbidly obese ones often die early - and I fell into this category last year. Plus that suspected heart attack could have been real. And there are always freak accidents, and you never know when the bus with your name on it is driving down the street. Here’s to remaining healthy and safe and turning 45 a year from now!
Thank you for reading!
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What an amazing article!!! What wonderful accomplishments you have made this year! I’m so sorry for the death of your Nan. I’m also sorry to hear about the falling out your daughter has had with you…you don’t deserve to be yelled at by your daughter. I understand and support that you sent her to live with her dad…I have a stepdaughter that I have had to stop speaking with for a while and now keep at arm’s length because I needed to protect myself from her emotional abuse. Stop beating yourself up for being overweight…you are an amazing and lovely woman! I too am overweight and I know it’s a real struggle…I constantly remind myself not to beat myself up over my weight because I’m an awesome person, just like you are an awesome person!
Raising a virtual glass to celebrate your birthday and welcome the next chapter of your life ❤️
I look forward to the album re-release, and the finished novel.
You have a lot going for you on this wonderful birthday https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Youp9r30hjs