Most people who know me probably think of me as cheery - and I am very cheery, for the most part. I enjoy my life and realise how lucky I am. But I’ve had some rock-bottom lows in the last 44 years, to the extent that I’m on a cocktail of three daily meds for life - and I know that the drugs mask a lot of fear and sadness.
To be honest, it would be a miracle if I didn’t have anxiety or depression. As a kid, I was violently assaulted and emotionally abused at home, severely bullied at school, sexually assaulted a lot in clubs in my teens and twenties, then raped, suffocated and hit in the face so my ear bled when I was pregnant, aged 24, before entering two more emotionally abusive relationships… really, it’s a wonder that I’m still here to write this.
But I am, thankfully, and hopefully this blog will help other people too. I would always advocate meds and therapy as first-line strategies for combatting mental health disorders - I have weekly therapy these days, which is a space to talk freely about my problems. However, I’m also aware that meds and therapy can often be hard to access, due to cost and availability.
So here are ten strategies which have helped me feel better, and which I hope could work for you, too.
#1: Journalling
Journalling, the trendy Gen-Z verb which used to be known prosaically as writing a diary, is a virtually-free way of getting all your shit out there on the page. It’s cathartic and lets all the bad feelings and worries flow out of you, so that you can make sense of them. You can also look back on them at a later date and see how you felt. This meta-analysis of journalling studies found it could benefit mental health.
One of my friends has kept written diaries for more than 50 years, which is incredible. Some people keep online diaries, but I much prefer the tangible catharsis of etching my feelings into paper. That way, you don’t need to worry about your innermost thoughts leaking if your laptop gets stolen or hacked, and you can even shred or burn the paper if you’re ultra-paranoid, or enjoy the symbolism of your negative thoughts and feelings being destroyed. Plus you get to buy a pretty diary and some nice pens, which is one of my favourite activities as I have a stationery addiction.
#2: Reading self-help books
‘Which books should I read, exactly, Sherine?!’ I hear you bellow. Well: I find a variety of self-help books on positivity and motivation help me personally. But studies are mainly based on CBT manuals geared at alleviating the reader’s anxiety and/or depression - they call this bibliotherapy - and it has been shown to be effective in this systemic review of randomised clinical trials:
'Bibliotherapy appears to be effective in the reduction of adults’ depressive symptoms in the long-term, providing an affordable and prompt treatment that could reduce further medications. The results of the present review suggest that bibliotherapy could play an important role in the treatment of serious mental health issues.’
So there you have it. If you’re up for it, start with this CBT workbook - it’s a classic.
#3: Crying
You’d be forgiven for thinking what the fuck? But actually, emotional crying (as opposed to your eyes watering when you chop onions) is immensely cathartic and reduces stress. The last time I cried was when my nan died and my daughter went to live with her dad. Even though it was my choice, I absolutely bawled, because it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. But I felt a lot better afterwards. I virtually never cry, and letting it all out soothed and calmed my troubled heart.
But don’t just take my word for it. As this Harvard Health article states:
‘Researchers have established that crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, also known as endorphins. These feel-good chemicals help ease both physical and emotional pain.’
Of course, not everyone can cry at will - I can’t - but if the tears come, let them flow.
#4: Exercising
I don’t personally enjoy exercising, but I do enjoy the feeling of accomplishment afterwards - knowing I’ve done the best I can for my health and body. It makes me feel all-powerful, like strutting down the street in a Wonder Woman costume! It boosts my mood massively, and I’m not alone. This study of 1.2 million Americans found that:
In a large US sample, physical exercise was significantly and meaningfully associated with self-reported mental health burden in the past month. All exercise types were associated with a lower mental health burden.
And, they added encouragingly:
More exercise was not always better.
So even if, like me, you only have the energy to exercise a little, it could still improve your mood and is better than nothing.
#5: Eating healthily
Since I’ve gone vegan, I’ve been feeling a lot better about myself and my life - again, possibly because doing your best for your health makes you feel good. And it’s not just me feeling great about eating healthily - this study in adolescents found the same:
Improvements in diet quality were mirrored by improvements in mental health over the follow-up period, while deteriorating diet quality was associated with poorer psychological functioning.
But couldn’t it just be that feeling depressed makes you eat badly, and feeling good makes you eat more healthily? The study says not:
Results did not support the reverse causality hypothesis.
So if you’re feeling shit, try improving your diet.
#6: Making positive lists
We all know about counting our blessings and making gratitude lists. I like to do this, but I also enjoy making lists of things I have to look forward to. For instance, as I’m typing this, I’m taking Lily to the cinema the next two weekends, to see The Count of Monte Cristo and Beetlejuice. I’m also seeing my friend Adam on Friday, and my friend Cazza on Sunday, and I might do a little shopping for pretty things, which makes me happy.
Another list you can make is when someone is really pissing you off: list all the good things about them. Challenge yourself to come up with ten positive points. Some people are harder than others (I’m trying to think of some plus points for Donald Trump!) but generally you’ll be able to think of quite a few, and that will go some way towards neutralising the negative feelings you hold towards that person.
#7: Tidying your home
A spring clean and tidy - even if it’s autumn - can definitely lift your spirits, at least when it’s finished and the place is sparkling. Or, to put it another way: living in a messy and dirty home will contribute to depression. You can’t feel as though you’re going places when the place you live in is a tip.
However, cleaning a whole home can be overwhelming. So again, I like to make lists for this: break down the chores for each room and work through them. A list for the kitchen could go something like:
Do all washing up/put dirty dishes and crockery in dishwasher and run
Clear surfaces of paper/extraneous stuff and tidy away
Bleach sink and dirty white surfaces
Wipe down worktops, cupboards and surfaces and clean kitchen table and chairs
Vacuum and mop floor
Take full bins out and replace bin liners
Clean light switches, handles and knobs (fnarr!)
Hey presto, a clean kitchen! (I’m writing this instead of doing it…)
#8: Read novels
Fiction is one of the fastest ways I’ve found of feeling better about myself and the world. Escaping into an entertaining story with a positive resolution firstly gives you a reprieve from thinking about your own problems, and secondly makes you feel that the world is fair and just (spoiler: it isn’t).
Studies of readers back this up too, with this review saying:
‘In the three studies that dealt with the recall and discussion of fiction, results were on the whole supportive of the view that engaging with fiction has positive impacts on well-being.’
And the great thing is that it’s free - or at least, it can be. Libraries are free, and you can read free e-books on Libby using your library card.
If you can afford to buy books, so much the better - authors get more royalties and you get to keep the book forever. Why not start with my incredibly rude novel Shitcom?
#9: Stroke a pet
Pets are for life, not just for Christmas, so I’m not saying you should get one just to cure your depression. But if you can commit to looking after a pet (sadly I know I can’t, due to low energy levels) then they can lift your mood.
I don’t agree with Jordan Peterson about much, but his advice to ‘pet a cat when you encounter one on the street’ is incontrovertible. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day, hey? And stroking cats on the street has brought me much joy.
If there are no cats on your street but you still like the thought of looking after an animal, try Borrow My Doggy, a site where you can arrange to walk other people’s dogs. Lily and I did it for years and walked Nina, an adorable Pomeranian. (I’m a Pom-Iranian too!)
Of course, there are the not-so-good bits such as having to pick up their poo, but it’s a small price to pay for furry dog cuddles.
#10: Hang out with cheery people
The important bit here is cheery. Not just any people will do, let alone people who are going to bring you down. You need to find people like Grandad, whom I call ‘John Bon Jovial’ because he’s so smiley and full of joy.
And that’s easier said than done, but it is possible. Go to events and meet-ups, book groups or tours where you have a chance to chat to people. My cute Korean lodger recently made a friend through the dating app Bumble’s ‘BFF’ feature, where you use the app in Friends Mode.
It’s often said that it’s more difficult to make new friends as you get older, but I’ve made four new friends in the past year: Cazza, Justin, Hina and Tashmia.
I think some older people get more stuck in their ways and less open to meeting new people - or less tolerant of people who aren’t like them. I’d never have met my Korean lodger through the course of ordinary life, and if I had done, it’s unlikely we’d have become friends as I’m twice her age - but she brings so much sunshine into my life that I feel very lucky to know her.
Thank you for reading!
I hope that one or more of these things helps you. Please tell me in the comments which strategies work to lift your mood, as I’m always looking for more. See you next Wednesday.
Kunt has a song that helps https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvyLV1Vb3Qc
so does Little Kunt https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0WWoWuIDoc